Thursday, January 7, 2016

Fred Smoot's AMA

Minnesota Vikings legend and Lake Minnetonka enthusiast Fred Smoot did an AMA and even though he's in his 40s now he's still out of his fucking mind.  

Who fucking says that?  Prostitutes and HGH, that's what the 2005 Minnesota Vikings do.

Read: Dan Snyder pays my bills.  One of my favorite boycotts is my Johnny Rocket's boycott because fucking Snyder owns it.  Never underestimate the power of a good boycott, Schafer singlehandedly got Chicken Fries back in the BK Lounge near you.

Also, Smoot saying the players fuck with Jay Gruden is such an incredible seal of approval.  I bought some clothes this weekend and the black dude at the register told me I bought a "nice fit."  I think if a black dude said "I fuck with you" I would just drop dead of self-satisfaction.

Manziel's next step is basically what I wish my life could be--sitting courtside and NBA games, sidelines for NCAA games, partying in Vegas, jetsetting all over the world, and spending my parents' (hypothetical) oil money.  If the NFL doesn't work out for Johnny (that's like me saying "if this diet doesn't work out for me), his life is gonna be fine.

LOVE calling strip clubs scrip clubs.  Ever since I was exposed to Hot 104.1 in St. Louis, they haven't been streets to me, they been screets.

Imagine being the guy who is gonna go to Deja Vu and drop Fred Smoots name.

I love reddit.  It's truly the internet version of people watching.  This dude's sitting at his computer just like "how can I get Ryan from Accounting to stop clowning on me, I bet Smoot knows."  Like who is this guy?

Making fun of your friends who are balding is never not funny.

I wish there were hosts at scrip clubs.  "Cocksmith, party of 12?  Cocksmith, party of TWELVE!"

I believe it was Tupac who said "You claim to be a playa but I fucked yo wife."

Smoot's still a savage.

My jaw hit the keyboard.  Imagine being someone who says this.

PS--if I had a time machine, I would 100% go back to the Love Boat.  Signature moment in Minnesota sports history.  

PPS--Imagine how many kids Adrian Peterson would have had nine months after the Love Boat.  Could roster a whole Pop Warner team.

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