1. Rick Spielman on Christian Ponder, “I give him just as much credit for getting us into the playoffs as Adrian.” OVER the say in game winner.
You guys don’t need me to tell you the levels to which this absurd. I love quotes like this that can stand alone as preposterous without any type of explanation. I mean, come on Rick. I get that he’s trying to save his own ass from being ripped for this idiotic pick—sure there’s going to be some posturing in the media, but it’s all bullshit. Ponder sucks—you know it, I know it, he knows it (more than anyone I’m sure), but he can’t just say it. But I mean, come on Dick, choose your words a little more wisely.
9. Doug Glanville on Delmon Young, “He’s just a consistent player that everyone wants on their team in some form or fashion and is very clutch.” OVER 8. PA talking about how Percy Harvin couldn’t be upset with Ponder, “Christian made Percy Harvin an MVP candidate halfway through the season.”
Bahahahahaha. I guess it’s not all false, he is a consistent player, in the sense that he is consistently flailing away at pitches out of the strike zone, not walking, stumbling around in the corner outfield, throwing bats at umpires, and being a bigot. That’s all true that he’s consistent in that regard. But literally no one wants him in their organization—Tampa traded him coming off a nice year as like a 23 year-old, the Twins dumped him for a couple of non-prospects, the Tigers let him walk even after getting hot in the playoffs, the Phillies dumped his fat ass after 4 months of subpar play, Tampa dumped him again, and now he’s in Baltimore on a minor league deal. He’s consistently bouncing around. He's none of those other things.
12. Dick Bremer “Somewhere between Samuel Deduno and PJ Walters is a Cy Young Award winner.” OVER 5. Jim Callis “Minor leaguers Byron Buxton and Miguel Sano could become a close approximation to Mike Trout and Bryce Harper.”
Bremer coming in HOT. Holy shit. He had to have said this in the 8th inning of an August west coast roadtrip game when Bert is on his 4th bourbon and he’s just throwing shit out there so as to not have some dead air. This is a true powerhouse quote—it must have had a low RPI and an easy schedule, but you only play who shows up at the other end of the court before the game. This one’s going a long way if everyone thinks like me.
13. Greg Anthony during Clippers/Nuggets game remarked that the altitude in Denver changes the weight of the basketball and makes it much lighter than a normal basketball’s weight in any other stadium OVER 4. Auburn AD Jay Jacobs “I think it would be, quite frankly, un-American for us to not get a chance to go to Pasadena.”
This one isn’t as preposterous as it is just plain silly. I love when non-science people try and explain science, and I’ve been known to bullshit about park factors and weather and shit like that without having ANY qualification whatsoever. That being said, Greg Anthony basically just heard someone waxing poetic about homers at Coors Field being blasted into bolivian and decided he would bring it into basketball. Nice try. #COORS
6. Dick Bremer tweeted “Nolasco, Hughes, Correia, Gibson, Diamond, Worley, Meyer and other make up the foundation for a good rotation.” OVER 11. AJ Mansour “Eli Manning is just as inconsistent as Tony Romo—only difference is he won a couple of Super Bowls.”
Maybe the foundation for a good rotation in the Eastern League. Bremer’s gonna Bremer.
14. PA on the 2013 Vikings, “Our offense next year is going to be like it was back in 1998.” OVER 3. Rick Anderson says NL hitters keep swinging at Francisco Liriano’s slider because, “They just don’t know him real well.”
It’s certain the Andy didn’t really know what to say about all of Liriano’s successes last year—he doesn’t have to, no one is blaming the Twins for letting him go. He always had the talent, but it wasn’t working here. That being said, PA saying a Ponder-led offense will rival 3-Deep just makes me angry.
7. Randy Moss—“I’ve always been a team player, I’ve never been about self.” OVER 10. Star Tribune headline—“Vikings compare favorably to NFC Champ 49ers.”
Now, as you all (should) know, I LOVE 84. Randy Ratio, “I play when I wanna play,” mooning the Packer fans, all of it. But saying he was always about the team isn’t exactly in line with his track record. White mid-50s assholes all over Minnesota hated Moss because he didn’t have the humble hockey player mentality. He was one of the most valuable Vikings of all time, but they all bashed him because of how brash he was. Doesn’t bother me. But this is still a ridiculous quote.
2. Kevin Gorg previewing Blackhawks/Wild playoff game 1, PA asked “What if we get a 2-0 lead in this game tonight?” Gorg responded, “I almost think you’re better off if this game stays scoreless for a long time.” OVER 15. Dwight Howard “A lot of us don’t participate in it because we do so much during the All-Star Weekend, that by the time we get to the dunk contest, we have no legs.”
Well, an esteemed hockey analyst like Kevin Gorg would know better than I, but I’m going to go ahead and take the goals, thanks.