Thursday, January 2, 2014

"Packer Backer" Breakdown

Ok so I saw this video on Barstool today and honestly I haven’t been able to think about anything since.  I’ve probably watched it back like fuckin 10 times at this point.  So I’m gonna give it what it’s due and break it down frame by frame, second by second. 

0:01—initial ratings of each chick, left to right 7, 8, 6, 4.  Or as they’re called in Green Bay, fashion models.  And the main girl singing looks sneaky like Rebecca Black, so that’s something to keep your eye on.
0:14—What in the hell has far right Matthews chick been looking at?  She looks like she’s just smelled a Packer player fart, and being a bit of a jersey chaser is understandably disgusted a little bit yet still intrigued.
0:17—Uh oh, here comes the Title Town high horse bullshit!  For me, judging by the talent shown in Green Bay thus far, I’m not sure I would want to live in Title Town anyways.  If you don’t know what I mean just take a look over Rebecca’s right shoulder at the resident Abby Wambach look alike or the pink hat on the far right of the screen.  Titty City.
0:22—Wambach on the far left is the definition of a wet blanket.  Like when a buddy’s girlfriend’s roommates come over and there’s the one that isn’t hot and nobody really likes—that’s her. 
0:25—Clay Matthews has considerably more hair than either of the chicks wearing his jersey. 
0:28—God I hate Wambach’s faux-hawk.
0:30—Also, why are you wearing a sport coat to tailgate a Packer game Rebecca?
0:31—I need a weather report from Lambeau the day this was filmed.  We got chicks in just jerseys and then we got these two assholes in the background wearing a stocking cap and a goddamn bomber.  Hmm.
0:32—Dude on the right clearly didn't spend more than like 8 bucks at an Appleton Super America for his sunglasses.
0:36—Just realized who the girl on the right who smelled the fart looks like—homeless man’s Kate Hudson in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.  If she would have gotten the role, McConaughey probably would have just let her take the job in DC at the end.
0:40—“Anyone that I name is better than anyone on your team.”  So much arrogance right here.
0:44—“Cause we’re not losing like the Vikings or Bears” Boom roasted.
0:56—She clearly wants everyone to know how much Packer fans drink…more on this later
1:06—They still say “rep” in Green Bay, so there’s that.
1:09—They drink this much!  Seriously I’ve never lived in Wisconsin, but I’m pretty sure this is kind of what goes on every day.
1:14—This just has to be a normal occurrence in Wisco because everyone watching looks pretty fucking casual if you ask me. 
1:21—I really can’t decide where I think they’re being filmed here.  I’m deciding between the lobby of some hotel or the entry way waiting area at an Applebees in a mall.
1:34—“We’ll be taking shots during every touchdown”  Watch out everyone we got some badasses on our hands!
1:37—Despite being a Packer fan, I obviously respect the fuck out of this guy just grilling some fuckin burgers surrounded by some women like 25 years his junior.  This is something to aspire to be.  
1:50—So even though she is repeatedly insulting my favorite team, I’m becoming increasingly smitten with Rebecca Black.  The way she plays with her hair when she insults the Vikings just gets my goat, I don’t know what to say.  And if I’m being introspective here, it’s pretty telling that I think it’s sexy when she is basically insulting me for being a Vikings fan and I’m just gonna leave it at that.
1:54—Chill out Kate Hudson
1:55—Wambach is so fucking smug I can’t stand it. 
2:10—“We watch it while we’re getting buzzed” Ok we get it Packer fans do alcohol.
2:49—I think we can all agree this song is like 35% too long.  At this point I’m not even sure they’ve used original footage in like 45 seconds.
2:59—Who the hell just stumbled on set right to the right of Rebecca?  The only logical explanation I’ve come up with is that she’s either the wife of our grillmaster from earlier or someone’s drunk aunt.

3:07—Ok as bad as this song was, Packer Rebecca Black can get it.  Maybe it’s a Stockholm Syndrome kind of thing considering I literally just watched this video over and over for like 45 minutes.   Not unlike Packer Kate Hudson in the beginning, I guess you could say I’m disgusted a little bit yet still intrigued, so it's kind of come full circle.

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